My New (and unusual) Fear

The other night Stephen was waiting for me to finish up some wedding planning stuff before we headed off to bed and he was watching The New Girl which happens to be one of our two favorite TV shows along with Modern Family.  The New Girl cracks us up every episode.  Same with Modern Family.  Finally, shows on network television that I can watch again.

Back to the story.  While he was waiting for me he would flip to PBS during commercial breaks.  When I was done with wedding stuff I joined him on the couch.  PBS was airing a program on koala bears.  Aww, so cute and cuddly.  NOT SO.  After 10 minutes or so, broken up between switching back to the other, good program, I now hate koalas.  They actually scare me.  We watched the program on Tuesday night, it's now Thursday and I can't stop thinking about the little, weird shaped animals.

Photo from Wikipedia

Up in a tree, munching on some leaves or sleeping they look so cute.  Then you get video of them walking on the ground.  WTF - they look so weird.  They are so awfully shaped.  Their butts are all brown from sitting on the branches and the males have these scent patches that they rub on trees to mark their territory.  GROSS.  The scent patches look like areas where skin has just rubbed away, like a bad rug burn.  The koala above is a female she doesn't have a messed up chest.  I bet all the pictures you've seen of koalas are female.

The other thing is the fighting.  I absolutely understand that to mate a male koala has to prove his superiority over other males to impress the females.  Their fights are vicious and only made worse by the fact that they are fighting UP IN A TREE.  While fighting they make these weird, growling noises and scratch at each other until one retreats, defeated.  The winner then announces his win to the entire forrest.  I had no idea that koalas made so much noise.

Koala babies are adorable.  All warm and safe in their mom's little pouch for 6 months where they develop.  Then they start to ride around on their mom's back all cute.  Then you watch them eat... their MOM'S POOP.  The eucalyptus leaves are highly toxic, so they have to get used to eating them.  The only way for them to do that is to eat their mom's poo.  They showed this, on tv, on PBS.  I realized immediately what was going on and closed my eyes while plugging my ears and singing Mary Had a Little Lamb, my go to retreat when there is something I don't want to see or hear.  It took Stephen about 5 seconds longer to see what was really happening.

So there you have it.  The cute little animal that we were taught to love as kids now terrifies me as a 30 year old woman.  Gross.